I have few irrational fears, but bees… bees turn me into a little girl. I remember being about eight-years-old and my brother and I were walking home from Church. We got into some fight and so he went to the other side of the street. I was walking along, pouting when a bee landed on the front of my dress. I froze solid and started to cry. My brother kept walking and I think I stood there for a good ten minutes, crying and shaking and hoping it would just fly away rather than savagely attack me with his thousands of busy bee friends. It eventually did and I lived to see another day.
My terror was enhanced when, while sitting on a friends back porch a bee landed in my hand and stung me. I jumped up and ran inside to her father, a French-Canadian named Leo who drove a funky VW truck/van and fixed things for a living. While I cried and thrust my hand in his face, stinger still throbbing poison into me, he grabbed me by the wrist, dragged me into the kitchen, picked up the biggest knife I have ever seen and flicked the stinger out into the sink… all while cursing in French… loudly.
My whole hand swelled up to twice its normal size as I am not only afraid of bees but also somewhat allergic to them.
Seeing “My Girl” didn’t help. Freaking kid gets killed by bees for being stupid enough to poke at a hive. Dumb ass. Still, it affirmed my belief that bees want to kill you and will happily do so if given the opportunity.
Last year in May a hive moved in. I took out a hit and had the buggers eliminated. So not hippie of me; ah well, you do what you can. This March a hive moved into one of our exterior walls and my husband said he’d take care of it. I believed him. Sure, he’s a man and therefore not as likely to do what he says he will do, but these are bees and he knows how very afraid of bees I am. His idea of doing something about it: he got up early one morning and squirted the hive with poison. They cleared out for the day and came right back. He did nothing for the next two months.
Yesterday, we noticed some enhanced activity. They were setting up a new hive, directly under my dining room. At first it was a scout or two; then a few more. I called in another hit and they said they’d be out in the morning. Mark went off for an afternoon gig after putting Lily to bed for her nap. We have a courtyard style house (kinda) and Lily's room is across from the main house. I laid down with Anya in the living room for a nap and awoke to the loudest buzz I have ever heard in my life. Out the window I saw 1000’s of bees, blocking the path to my daughter’s room. Lily was still asleep but the thought of having to walk through that to get to her sent me into a blind panic. I called Mark and started sobbing hysterically. I also informed him of how very pissed off I was that he let this go to this point. Around this time the bee people called back to give me an appointment time and caught me mid-panic. The lady was very nice, explaining to me what was going to happen, that they would settle as the light dropped, that they would not get me, it was OK, etc. I donned hooded sweater and shoes and, as the hive settled down, ran across the bridge (still sobbing) to get my daughter from her room.
She started crying when she saw that I was freaking out and kept asking, “Is ok? Is ok?” I tucked her under my arm and ran her back into the main house, clutching her to me on the couch and sobbing some more. I got her calmed down and set up with some finger paints (while I sobbed some more) then went about doing some laundry (still sobbing) and getting some food together (while sobbing). I cried for a good hour. YOU SEE HOW FREAKING TERRIFIED I AM OF BEES?
This morning the guy came out and for almost $400 he killed the suckers. Mark tried to make it up to me by bringing home incredibly good ice cream last night, but I am disappointed and still just a little pissed off. I get that boys don’t like to do things they don’t like to do and all, but come on. Do I have to become a nagging wife? I really don’t want to be that, but I also want him to do what he says he will do. I know life gets in the way, I know stuff comes up, but really. Honestly.
And now he’s upset with me because I’m upset with him. I just can’t win.
