Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Anya's Birth Story


Nothing fancy (and needs an edit) as my time has been rather short. However, the story is pretty complete, so enjoy!
For the last week or so, I’d been having trouble getting a full night sleep. I kept waking just after midnight and having non-painful contractions for about three or four hours. I’d get my hopes up and then no baby. Anya was due on Thursday and I had been getting the, “Where’s baby?” question at least once a day. I had been trying to make peace with the reality that baby would come when baby was ready and by Saturday morning was feeling pretty good about the whole thing...

Click here to keep reading.

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Monday, May 30, 2005

Anya


BEHOLD! SHE HAS A NAME!

Yep, we named the wee one Anya and so it is and so it shall be!

Wanna see photos of the birth? Some are a little graphic, but nothing too extreme.

BIRTH PHOTOS!

We're doing great. I have good energy and feel really fantastic. Very little pain despite the fact that Anya is much bigger than Lily was at birth (the JOY and WONDER of water birth, folks). Took some great photos of the girls together today and will work on getting them up next chance I get. Thanks for all the warm wishes and thoughts, I have felt their energy and light through me over the last day and leading up to this birth.

Happy dance for homebirth!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Look what we made from scratch!


Our beautiful baby GIRL!

We'd love to introduce you to our beautiful new daughter.

We have yet to name her, so for now you can just call her Baby G
(nothing like a ghetto name to start off a babies life).
Born at home in the water
on May 29, 2005
at 11:52am after only 3.5 hours of very intense labor
8 lbs 2 oz
20.5 inches

Saturday, May 28, 2005

And now for something completely different


The dog has a tapeworm.

You know how you find out such a thing? You notice your dog munching her ass on a regular basis and so take a look, only to find a half inch white worm thing wiggling around in the general vicinity.

All together now: EWWW! ICK! BLAH! GAG! WOGGA WOGGA!

Totally disgusting.

Off went my dear sweet husband to seek out a cure. Luckily he found an OTC drug so we don’t have to pay a vet and THEN pay for meds.

And my gift to all of you? There will be no photos associated with this post.

You may throw rose petals at my feet in thanks.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Drumming for baby


Went to a drum circle today (told you all I was a hippie) and had a blast making prayer flags and beating on my drum. We had primarily gathered to wish some friends well as they made the move from our neck of the woods to Canada. We set intent on one round for all the new births coming up and that included their new life in another country and, of course, the upcoming birth of my child. I got to dance my pregnant self around in the middle for that one and loved the vibrations of the drums and how the influenced my belly. Had some wicked sweet tightening as though my uterus was getting the message.

Drum circle girls

I’ve been working on getting out of my head in regards to this birth. I have to trust that this child and my body are in cahoots to have the best possible birth and the best possible time. There is nothing my brain can tell them about this process and so I might as well just knock off trying. I’ve been in great spirits since I started consciously letting that crap go. In fact, my girlfriend asked me if she should run up to LA today and I replied with, “I can’t tell you that, it’s up to you. I have no idea what will happen and won’t make this decision for you.” And damn, that felt good.

My mom asked if she should go up and see my grands as today was their anniversary and I told her she’s welcome to if she took Lily with her. She didn’t end up going, but she did decide to keep Lil overnight so Mark and I could sleep in… yippee! So, yeah. I’ll let you all know when the baby shows, but don’t ask me when it’ll happen because I don’t have a clue. And you know what? That’s just fine with me! In the meantime, just talk to the belly.
talk to the belly

Thursday, May 26, 2005

10:04 p.m.


At this moment, I am now more pregnant than I have ever been.

Lily was born on her due date at 10:03 pm. I had thought she’d be coming to us at least a week late and so was very surprised when my water broke at 6:00 pm and only four hours later was holding my beautiful perfect little girl in my arms. That perfect child of mine is now sleeping quietly while Mark and I marvel at my growing belly. That beautiful little girl and will be two-years-old in less than a month and by then will be a big sister.

This is likely my last pregnancy and while I am so eager to hold my baby, I am taking this moment to remember what life was like before these babies. We could sleep in until noon on Sundays, go when and where we wanted, didn’t have to lug a bag full of dipes around, didn’t know what true love really meant, had never smiled until our cheeks hurt when our child discovered something new, had never sleep danced with a colicky infant, had never changed the world.

It moves so fast.

Here’s to every last moment. May I remember to cherish every second of my children’s lives. May I remember to simply sit and hold my babies from time to time. May I remember to cherish my partner and always honor him as the father of my children. May I be sappy and emotional without shame.

Come along for the ride, kids. I promise it’ll be messy and fun.

Due


40 weeks

Today I am 40 weeks pregnant.

Bring it on, Baby!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Longing


I told myself when I started this blog that I would always be honest with myself and my kids. If something made me sad or angry, I’d try to see it straight on and not simply try to entertain myself or others.

Last night I started having contractions. They were not at all evenly spaced or really even that hard, but I knew what they were and with Lily’s birth being so quick, we went ahead and called our midwife. She was still up when she got Mark's call at around 1:30 am and told him it was always hard for her to sleep when she knew she’d be getting a call. Within about forty minutes she was over and setting up her stuff, her assistant showed not long after. Mark built a fire in the court yard, we called my mom and Elizabeth and we got excited. I labored while walking, sitting, etc and noticed that when I talked to the baby and told him how excited I was to hold him, to touch his face, to see his perfect skin, the contractions would get harder and I was so… thrilled. But still, they weren’t “hard.” Around 4 am Elizabeth convinced me I needed to get some sleep and Mark and I crawled back into bed where I lay resting, still feeling my uterus doing it’s thing, listening to my husbands even breath behind me and enjoying the warmth of his front against my back. We would be holding our baby today.

I work around 5:45, restless and with my hips hurting… needing to move. I came upstairs to find everyone resting and after we all started milling about my Midwife asked me if I wanted to get checked. I thought it might be nice to see what kind of progress overnight had brought me and so eagerly agreed.

Nothing.

My cervix was closed for business.

The contractions came to a screaming halt as we talked about what this meant. I went downstairs to wake my husband and tell him that my labor had stalled and he would not be holding our baby today. I burst into tears, apologizing and feeling as though I had “done” something wrong. I came back up to get a bite to eat and allow Mark some more sleep and Jennifer (the assistant) was making pancakes. She told me that this happened with her three times with her third child and she understood what I was feeling. Nobody was disappointed in me, I was still going to be holding my baby soon. We all ate and joked as Vickii got her stuff together so she could go do her clinic shift. I went back to bed.

When I awoke, I got myself into the shower and started to bawl uncontrollably. What the hell is the matter with me? it’s not that I will never get to hold this baby, just not likely today. I hadn’t lost this child. I should be overjoyed to have some more time to be ready. That’s when I got the lesson: with Lily, we tried for the better part of a year to get pregnant and I got to the point where I cried every time I got my moon flow. When the stick finally said “YES” with her I cried in joy and did a big fat happy dance. This baby was conceived before we were really trying and I have felt a certain amount of anxiety about his or her birth. I have, at times, thought of this baby as unfortunate timing or spent too much time worrying about how it will all work out. As I wept in the shower I realized how desperately I want this child. I need this baby. I can’t wait to hold our baby and was mourning that it would not be today.

SO, hopefully lesson learned. Hopefully I can go into the “real” labor with anticipation and joy and cry tears of joy rather than concern. I know there are other lessons here, but right now, it’s time to go have some lunch and try to have a normal day.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Myself!


Lily has a new, very important word: Myself! As in, “back off, lady and let me do it MYSELF!” She seems to think all tasks, big or small should be done by “Myself.” If only Myself was just a wee bit more coordinated. Oh, and if you dare tell her that Mama will do it, there is a good bit of screaming and dramatics to follow. For the most part, we’re letting her do whatever is least likely to get her maimed or killed; so, for instance, getting a cookie (read: graham cracker) is OK, while chopping up some carrots is not. Getting out her painting supplies: OK. Taming that wild boar at the zoo: not so much.

Speaking of wild animals: it seems our coyote from the canyon has had some pups. Last night around 2am the whole pack trooped to right outside my bedroom door, knocked politely and proceeded to howl for ten minutes. I can only assume they were requesting that I send out my cat for a snack or the dog for a meal. They weren’t stupid enough to ask for a baby as I would have kicked their ass. All of them. As eerie as it sounded, especially with the full moon shining outside, the sound of the pups yapping was so freaking cute. You could hear the, “I’m a BIG DOG” tone to their voice; just like my two-year-old claiming she can do it all by, “MYSELF.”

Ah, the circle of life.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Blessingway


Today my sister threw me a blessingway to welcome our new baby. Mark ran off to hang out with my BIL and took Lily with him so I could relax and enjoy my friends. Elizabeth came early and gave me a kick ass massage so I’d be all squishy when everyone arrived. About ten people come and we sat around eating too much good food, chatting and sharing stories. We sat in circle and made a birthing necklace, each woman telling me what intent they were putting into the bead as they strung it on with the rest. Daphne wasn’t able to make it down but sent me a handmade bracelet and a beautiful letter that I read aloud as we made the necklace… and yep, it made me cry, just a little. They also put together an album for me, each guest decorating a page with scrapbook items and colors. We ate dessert, talked more and just enjoyed each other. I wasn’t alone in my home until the place had been totally cleaned up and then my husband and daughter returned with hugs and love.

I feel like everything is in place. I feel like this baby can come at any time and that’s just fine with me. I feel at peace, supported and ready.

I am truly blessed.

Check my flickr account for photos.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Interview with the Bloggers


I had five requests for interview so here are your questions (and yes, some of them are the same, but its freaking 100 degrees in my town today and I am too hot to think up 25 individual questions):

Marita
1. When Gwendolyn was born, what was the first thing you remember saying to her?
2. How did you meet your husband?
3. If you could go back to one point in your life and have a “do over” would you and what point would it be?
4. Your blog says, “I have shot and killed a Black Bear.” Tell us about this.
5. What’s your favorite magazine?

Vanessa
1. If you ever were to have children, what would you name them?
2. What noise or sound do you love?
3. If God does exist and you get to meet her, what would you hope she’d say to you when you arrive?
4. If you could choose any profession in the world, what would you most like to do?
5. What would you least like to do?

Daphne Blue
1. What’s your favorite curse word? Why?
2. If you had two sons instead of two daughters (so far), do you think your life would be any different and in what ways?
3. What noise or sound do you hate?
4. When did you know you had to leave your first husband (lie if this is too close to your heart… but lie BIG)?
5. Have you ever lived alone? If so, how old were you and did you love or hate it? If not, do you ever wish you had?


Coffeegirl
1. What noise or sound do you love?
2. What’s your favorite curse word? Why?
3. How did you know it was over with your first husband?
4. If you had two daughters instead of two sons, do you think your life would be any different and in what ways?
5. If you could spend one night on stage would it be as an actor, singer, performance artist, or? And why?


Kelli
1. What kind of “important things” have you put off to read a blog?
2. If you had two sons instead of two daughters, do you think your life would be any different and in what ways?
3. How did you meet your husband?
4. Have you ever stolen something? If so, what was it and why did you take it?
5. Are you happy?

Friday, May 20, 2005

My husband: tall, dark and broody


Mark is a brooder. He gets his brain going on an issue or two and I don’t hear from him for days. Last time he did one of these broody days, I got all freaked out and thought it was all about me. Because it’s always all about me, right? This is our normal MO: Mark broods; I try to figure out what I “did.” It’s totally lame.

Today, Mark went into brood mood and I spent the day being totally cool with it and enjoying the silence. We spent car rides without saying a word to each other. We walked hand in hand through the mall quietly and watched the people go by. During the movie (two in one week, INSANITY!) we cuddled and I was on the receiving end of some sweet little forehead kisses. Instead of the tension that usually crops up on these days we seemed to grow closer. I knew his mood had nothing to do with me and just enjoyed that at least we were spending the day in each others company. You see how I’ve evolved?

I think a large part of it has to do with the impending birth and how I know that once again my whole world was about to change. Before Lily was born, I was so ready and yet so naive. Now I know that I have NO IDEA how things will change, just that they will. I embrace that uncertainty because if I don’t, I know it will be even harder. I am enjoying the certainty of uncertainty. How you like them apples?

Now enjoy some photos:

A doll dress makes an excellent hat




This one just cracks me up. This is Lily “helping” at my 39 week midwife appointment.

Lily helps Jennifer measure

Thursday, May 19, 2005

The Interview


Mom to the Screaming Masses interviewed me, per my request on her blog. She asked me these questions. My answers are below. If you want to be interviewed, let me know in the comments, and I'll give you some questions. Rules follow my q&a.

1) Where did you come up with your child's name?
Lily’s “real” name is actually made up of my middle name and her middle name is after my mom and MIL’s name. We know a whole lot of people with her first name though, some who go by their full name and some who go with some sort of abbreviation. We settled on Lily because it’s an unusual abbreviation and we felt it was pretty.

2) What were your educational plans? Did you fulfill them?
I went into college a psychology major but it just didn’t take. After about 5.5 years, I got a BA in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. I minored in Women’s Studies. I never had a clue what I would do with this degree… I had fantasies for a while of becoming some brilliant writer, but school educated me right out of my creativity. I thought of becoming a teacher but didn’t feel I had the patience. I’ve worked in theatre since I was legally able to vote and that has turned out to be my path. Works for me so far.

3) What did you want to be when you grew up? How close are you now to that dream?
I always wanted to be a mom when I grew up. That was it, folks; the extent of the “dream.” And I am one, so I guess you can say that I fulfilled one big dream in my life.

4) If you could, would you ever swim at a nude beach?
Oh yes. And, ummm… who says you can’t?

5) What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non, please. ;)
I change my mind too often to feel any sort of conviction with a favorite. BUT, if you had to pin me down right now for this one, I would say my favorite alcoholic drink would be a medori sour and my favorite non-alcoholic would be a 50/50 of lemonade and sprite. I’m also a big fan of Horchata. And water is nice.

The Official Interview Game Rules

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.

3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

"Grand Rapids" or the Devil's lair?


And all this time the devil was wondering why nobody was calling:

Beast's real mark devalued to '616'

Sin and Cheescake


We’ve been really busy lately getting ready for baby. My body is very happy with me for not sitting behind a desk anymore and while I had a couple of days of discomfort because I strained the muscles in my calves, I’m enjoying getting out and about on a regular basis. I don’t think this baby is coming anytime soon and am content to wait until s/he is ready.

Today Mark and I dropped Lil off at my moms and went to have a DATE! A friend had given us a gift certificate to The Cheesecake Factory and some movie passes. We like to see action flicks on the big screen. Something gets lost in those movies when you see them at home, even if you have a 32 inch screen (which isn’t huge in the scheme of things, but it’s the biggest TV I’ve even owned, so shut your pie hole you freaking videophiles). We decided to see Sin City after our perfectly delightful lunch.

I’m not a fan of frothy musicals or happy comedy type theatre. This is in large part to the time I spent as Managing Director of a small alternative theatre company called Sledgehammer Theatre. We got to do stylized, risky, in-your-face theatre and even if nobody came, we had a blast pushing the boundaries, creating new work and exploring what the physical actor could do with the right training. The artistic director understood the concept of committing to a vision and going all the way towards that picture and she never pulled punches. Sin City was like a Sledge show: it fully embraced the genre and didn’t bother to back off in the least. We had a blast and I only had to pee ONCE during the movie (once before and once after as well, but the key to success is how many times during the movie).

It was a good day to be me.

Monday, May 16, 2005

An awesome moment in my daughters developing brain


Today while Lily and I sat eating my breakfast, she pointed to my juice and said, “My juice!”

She calls me “My” so I replied with, “Yes, this is mommy’s juice.”

Then she held up her sippy cup, patted her chest and looked up and to the right, thinking about how to tell me whose juice she was holding. She looked back and smiled this HUGE grin and said, “Leelee’s juice!”

There it is, folks. My daughter has made a huge mental leap and I wasn’t at work to miss it. And apparently, she’s calling herself Leelee. Works for me.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Photo blogging

Have been feeling rather introspective and somewhat manic lately as I try to get everything ready for baby. Each day feels so damn good as I get stuff done and enjoy the last days with my daughter as an only child. She has been amazing lately, so helpful and happy to be spending time together. She’s been treating me well and I appreciate the heck out of it. With so much happening, I’ve had very little time to blog or read, so forgive me if I miss out on something big and trust I’m doing my best. Here are some photos to show you what’s been happening.

Belly cast


38 weeks belly cast
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

We did a belly cast, something I wanted to do with Lily’s pregnancy but didn’t get around to. Yes, my boobs are that freaking big. Yes, my mother will say “Oh My!” when she sees this and worry about the fact that I am showing off my nakedness to the whole wide world.

Birthday party

naked Phoebe
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

We got to enjoy a surprise birthday party for Daphne the other night and only got a couple of photos of her little naked Phoebe. That kid is beautiful.

Birth tub

Our birthing room
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

The bedroom is ready for birthing with a tub in the corner. We did a test fill of it the other day to make sure we could figure it all out. Lily was THRILLED with the idea of a pool in the bedroom and stripped naked the second she figured out there would be water to dip into. We eventually all ended up hanging out in it for a while, which brought Lily untold joy. She cracks me up.

Maya and the slide

Maya enjoys the slide
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

This is just fun. Our dog LOVES to slide. She'll go up the steps and down the slide without any prompting from us. Just have to find a park that's pretty empty as some parents don't want their children sharing a slide with a dog.

Changing in the parking lot

Portable changing table
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

And this one just gives me the giggles: we picked up a changing table at a thrift store and before we could get it home, Lily needed a change. So, we used it in the Rubio's parking lot. OK, so I thought it was funny...

Friday, May 13, 2005

Tagged? Ah, crap


Phoebe tagged me, the brat! I hate these things and will usually ignore them, but this one actually looked good. Although when I read Daphne’s responses, I wanted to just say, “Yeah, what she said!”

The rules are simple when you're tagged.
Choose 5 items from the list to write about.
Tag 3 other individuals when you're done.

If I could be a scientist I’d study all the AP issues that don’t get enough attention. I’d support/research co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, non or delayed vaccination, baby wearing, cloth diapers, ect. I’d have to also be a brilliant PR wiz so I could get the info out there, but hey if I’m smart enough to be a scientist, I’m going to take it for granted that I can do that too.

If I could be a farmer
If I could be a doctor

If I could be a painter… well, let’s face it. We can all be painters. I guess what this should really say is, “If I could be a really freaking awesome painter…” What would I paint? I don’t have a clue. I would paint the word as I see it, full of color in most spaces and dark and dreary in others. I would paint my daughters face over and over and over again. I would paint my husbands perfectly beautiful eyes as they smile at me. I would paint my own body, full with child. I would paint things that mean something to me on a primal level and not just landscapes and pretty things.

If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary

If I could be a chef I would figure out how to make food delicious and nutritious… without tasting like chicken (sorry, bad movie reference). But seriously, I’d find a way to make good, whole food that people would actually crave and it would be so damn good for them that it would be a sin not to eat it.

If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist

If I could be a librarian I would spend all day moving throughout the stacks, touching the books and randomly reading snippets from all the classics. I’d set aside a room for those who want to be quiet and a big space for those who don’t. I would encourage people to read aloud from their favorite books and then go write some of their own poetry on the walls. I would have a HUGE section on natural parenting and I’d throw out all the books that encourage you to leave your child alone in a crib to “cry it out.” OK, well I wouldn’t throw them out, but I’d put a parent advisory sticker on them: “may be hazardous to your child’s health and well being.” I’d make sure women had space to nurse their children and it would be nowhere near the bathroom. I’d have seminars on tandem nursing, nursing toddlers, LLL meetings, etc. Wow… I’m such a hippie.

If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer

If I could be a llama rider I’d be the best damn llama rider in the whole world! Nothing else to say about that.

If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure

OK, I hate to tag people because it just seems so damn “chain letter-ish.” But here’s who I’m tagging: Angela, Corey, and our very own Not Yet Famous Artist. Sorry y’all. I’m just evil like that. Oh, and I don't believe a single bad thing will happen to you if you don't "continue the chain and tag others." Do what you will!

beautiful girl


beautiful girl
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

belly full of baby -- 38 weeks


belly full of baby
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

baby clothes


baby clothes
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.



This is just a small portion of the hand-me-downs we had stashed in the shed. From L-R: newborn bin, 3 months bin, 6 months bin and the bag on the table is just newborn girls. Also a bunch of random socks on the table. OH, and right after I took this I realized I'd forgotten a mixed bin. CRAP there is a lot of stuff here. And I'm so damn good, I've already laundered all the newborn stuff (except the girl stuff since we don't know if the baby will have girl or boy bits) and just need to fold it all. If only I had a dresser to put it all in...

Photos


Some shots of the garden.

And more photos added to the swim files.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Floating


Lily had a rocking swim lesson today… except for almost drowning. She slipped on the stairs while my mom was looking away and when my mom looked back, she thought Lily was trying to swim on her own. So she didn’t grab her up straight away. I wasn’t sure what was happening either and right about the point where I felt my heart move up into my throat, my mom scooped her up. Coughing, sputtering and crying and that was just me. OK, not really, I was very calm and went to the edge of the pool take her from my mom when she started to climb the stairs out of the pool. Lily got to the top step and decided she wanted to play in the water more and WENT BACK IN. Is she INSANE? I guess she got over it.

We went back to me mums and had a spot of lunch… er, sorry, watching something British; let me try that again: We walked back to my mom’s house and ate some lunch and then I took off for an afternoon on my own. Mark was out of town, but had the afternoon off so “we” went to go see a movie. We both saw “The Hitchhiker’s Guide…” at basically the same time, but in different cities. Now how’s that for long distance dating? Then I treated myself to some wicked yummy ice cream and went shopping at TJ Maxx. Hmmm… bargains. Very tasty. I enjoyed some BH contractions throughout that experience. Not bad at all, just my body doing its thing; getting ready for baby to come topside. The more work my body can do before labor starts, the better I always say. The more exercise I get the more my body preps for the big birthday.

Anyone fancy a run? (Damn British TV again; so sorry).

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Wanna Guess?

Go to ExpectNet and type in "GingerBaby" for the game name. There you can make guesses on when the baby will come and what the baby will be (as in boy or girl, not dog or cat). You have to log in because I'm a cheap-o and wouldn't pay to make it so you wouldn't have to. So there you have it, enjoy.

Dear baby,


There are a few things you should know. The first of which is that my terror at the thought of your birth has NOTHING to do with who you are or who you could be. It is entirely wrapped up in what I fear I will be: not enough of a mom for two. I know on a very rational level that I can do this just fine; women far less than I have handled many more children without totally screwing it up and I know I can at least keep you alive. No, this fear doesn’t have anything to do with logic. Rather, this fear lives in my heart, a place big enough for you both but so afraid that I will not BE enough for you both. I already find motherhood difficult and while some tell me that having another is a piece of cake, another part of me believes the people that say, “yeah, well when was the last time you bothered to make a cake?”

I know it will be hard and I just fear that I will fail in some way; some way significant enough to make you feel like I wasn’t good enough; some way that will make you roll your eyes when speaking about me to a lover or admit, “she did the best she could with what she had” to a friend. I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a mommy and now that I am one I sometimes fear I have made a huge mistake and that I should have left this to someone who knows what the hell they are doing. But this, you may discover, is the fear of every parent at one time or another. We all wonder if we are good enough, smart enough, strong enough to bring you to adulthood without completely fucking you up. I never see that fear in your dad and that intimidates the hell out of me. I know it has to be there every once in a while, but since I cannot see it, I sometimes just believe he is better at all this than me and that maybe, just maybe, you children would be much better in his care with me living in some remote, yet unthreatening place in the wilds.

I guess this leads to my second point: pregnant ladies are crazy. Just keep that in mind.

You also need to know how very deeply you are wanted, loved and needed. You need to know that you will always be wanted, loved and needed. Nothing you could do or say will ever change that. Please don’t test the theory too much, just trust me on this. A parents capacity for love is insane and there is nothing you could do to dissolve it. So sit down, shut up and be good, dammit; I’m tired and don’t want to play that game.

What else do you need to know? Someday, ask your daddy if he loves you more than pockets. Ask me why the sky is blue. Don’t forget to say: “Guess what? CHICKEN BUTT” as often as possible. Open your eyes under water. Dance naked in the moonlight around a fire at least once in your life. Be respectful of others and work for what you have. If you’re going to drink too much on your 21st birthday, make sure someone is there to take care of you and doodle on your face while you sleep it off. It’s only a job, never be afraid to walk away if they don’t respect you for who you are. S/he is only a lover, never be afraid to walk away if they don’t respect you for who you are. They say laughter is the best medicine: don’t forget to drink the whole bottle every once in a while. When you become a parent, reread all of this blog and wipe that cocky grin off your face. You may be able to do it better but you will never be able to do it with more love.

I love you, kid. Come soon, we can’t wait to hold you.

Love,
Mama

Monday, May 09, 2005

About an hour after bedtime...


Lily started making some random noises. I chose to ignore her as she didn’t sound upset. Mark, however, noticed that she seemed to be asking for something. So, he went to take a little look-see.

Stark naked. Standing up in the crib. Pointing at the changing table.

Did you get the stark naked part?

Yep. Now THAT'S my girl.

37 weeks, 4 days


Had our home visit today and finally figured out where to put the birth pool. Mark rearranged the bedroom so we could fit it in a corner and keep ourselves in one area of the house, rather than potentially having the pool upstairs and the bed down. We’re now making plans to put some hanging plants outside the bedroom window so I can labor in the pool while gazing out at the sky through green foliage. Lily thought the pool was brilliant and kept jumping up and down inside it, enjoying the way the inflatable floor made her bounce. It’s a great pool with vertical baffles strong enough that you can sit on the edge or lean against it without causing a flood. Nice high walls so the water can be filled high enough to cover my belly and clear sides so the midwife and see what’s going on under the surface. Great load off my shoulders to finally have the logistics worked out.

In not so great news, baby has turned completely posterior, also known as “sunny side up.” For those who don’t know, it’s best if baby is facing your back when birthing or you can have some discomfort (back labor) and hang-ups during delivery. This would be less of a concern if the baby was hanging out on my left side, but baby has been on the right for as long as we’ve been able to determine position. This just means I need to do lots of talking to this baby, asking him/her to turn and there are some exercises that will help as well (pelvic tilts, etc). At least baby isn’t breech.

Oh, and if ONE person comments about how horrid their back labor was I will BAN you from ever posting again. I don’t need to be frightened or worried, so don’t give me any horror stories. You’ve been warned.


After the midwife left, Mark, Lily and I tromped around the property some and looked at all the flowers that have volunteered this year. We talked about our plans for the hot tub, how the trees were doing, where we’d like to put in some tall bamboo, etc. Lily pointed out the cars going by on the freeway not so far away and enjoyed watching them rush by. She LOVES big trucks and will always stop what she’s doing as one rumbles by, pointing and OH-ing appropriately! I went just a little camera happy and will be posting some shots to flickr soon. It’s been a good day thus far. And that’s all I want: good days, one after another. World peace would be nice too, but I’m not picky.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy freaking mother’s day


My daughter has been behaving like a crack addict all day, vacillating between shrieks of joy and smothering everyone with kisses to crying inconsolably at anything and everything. While at my moms I mused, “It must be those molars” to which she replied, “It must be molars making her act like a two-year-old?” Right… she’s almost two! Oh good lord, I have a two-year-old on my hands. Remind me why we thought having another would be a good idea right about now?

And how’s Mark doing you might ask? Mark is freaking out in Mark own special way. See, when he has a lot on his mind he withdraws into himself and becomes all dark and moody. He’s thinking, “Ok, going back to work, new baby coming, gotta get started on the remodel, Lily is a crack addict, etc.” And I am thinking, “What the heck is going on here? Does he not like me anymore? What did I do? Is he mad at me? Am I acting insecure? I’m acting insecure! Well, that’s attractive. Maybe I should eat some ice cream. Lots of ice cream. And chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. Etc.”

It’s a delightful state of affairs to be in.

So yeah, not a totally brilliant mother’s day; I’m sure it could have been worse. I could not be a mother. Worse, I could be all alone, with nobody to love me and without ANY ice cream in this whole house. *Shudder*

Anyone want a purple cow? Yes, please. Thank you very much.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Swimming to Daddy


Swimming to Daddy
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.


Last day of work was Friday and it hasn’t really sunk in yet. Lily is such a Daddy’s girl that this new arrangement is going to take some getting used to. I’m sure we’ll all figure each other out and before I know it, I’ll know that “MA-MOE!” means, “Hey Mom, I wanna watch ‘Finding Nemo.’ Get it going, will ya?” and Mark will be looking at me saying, “What the hell is MA-MOE?” One day at a time, people. One day at a time.

Today is our fifth Anniversary and we’re going to drop off the Lily-Monster at my dads, go see a play and maybe enjoy an adult meal (and no, “adult” does not have anything to do with strippers or porn stars… at least not in this case).

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and for that grand event we’re gonna go visit my mom and give her the card Lily picked out for her. It’s fuzzy and has dogs on it, so how could she go wrong? Grandma might not think it’s brilliant but Lily is in love. Hmmm… wonder if she’ll let Grandma keep the card? For me, I’m just hoping to have a nice sleep with no painful gas, kicking from the bean, hip pain, random hormonal changes (read: night sweats) and minimal trips to the bathroom. I once heard that if pregnancy was a book, they’d cut the last chapter. I am starting to understand the wisdom of those words. I have a wicked stitch in my side today. We’re theorizing that the baby either has really long toenails or has decided to BITE me. Freaking fetus.

We have almost all our birth supplies together and I’ve been spending most of my internet time skulking around looking for newborn diaper covers. I have about four different kinds on their way to me now and am hoping I will love each and every one of them. Otherwise, EBAY, here I come. We’ve got a good number of dipes, it was covers we were seriously lacking. We should be cool now. And if not, the power of the internet will come to my aid. SO BE IT.

OK, gotta get this circus ready to go out. Cheers.

Thursday, May 05, 2005


*bolds added by me*

Study Urges Halt To Episiotomies
By Rob Stein

Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, May 4, 2005; Page A01

One of the most common surgical procedures performed in the United States -- an incision many pregnant women receive to reduce the risk of tissue tears during delivery -- has no benefits and actually causes more complications, according to the most comprehensive analysis to evaluate the practice.

Contradicting the long-accepted rationale for the procedure, called an episiotomy, the analysis found that it increases the risk of tissue tears, leading to more pain, more stitches and a longer recovery after childbirth. In addition, an episiotomy increases the risk of sexual difficulties later and does not reduce the risk of incontinence, the federally sponsored study found.

As a result, the researchers concluded, routine use of the procedure undergone by more than 1 million U.S. women each year should be discontinued, and the incision should be considered only to speed delivery when the health of the baby is at risk.

"The evidence is clear: Routine use of episiotomy is not supported by research and should stop," said Katherine E. Hartmann, director of the Center for Women's Health Research at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, who led the analysis published in today's issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. "Women need to know this information so they can talk with their care providers before they are in labor."

Other experts agreed, saying the procedure is an example of a broader problem in medicine: Many practices that became common before their effectiveness was tested have become ingrained by tradition and continue to be practiced well after their usefulness has been questioned by research.

"Routine episiotomy clearly is not necessary," said Laura Riley, director of labor and delivery at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston who chairs the obstetrics practice committee for the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. "This is a message that's been out there that's clearly taken a long time to get universally accepted and universally implemented."

The new analysis was conducted for the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, a federal agency that conducts influential evaluations of medical procedures, at the request of the college amid growing frustration that the procedure was still being done routinely despite strong evidence questioning its usefulness, Hartmann said.

"There was a sense that without attention being focused on this, we might be stuck with these very high rates for a very long time," she said.

An episiotomy is an incision that doctors make in the perineum -- the skin between the opening of the vagina and anus. The idea is that the incision will make delivery of a child easier and that a deliberate surgical incision will heal more quickly and with fewer complications than tears that occur spontaneously, minimizing the risk of sexual problems and other complications, such as incontinence. Because the procedure has been in widespread use since the 1930s, it has been subject to careful evaluation only fairly recently.

The number of episiotomies began to decrease in the United States in the 1980s when studies started raising questions about their value. But the procedure is still estimated to be performed in about one-third of all vaginal births -- more than 1 million of the estimated 4.2 million vaginal births that occur each year, making it more common than hysterectomies and Caesarean section deliveries. The rate varies widely around the country, but overall about 70 to 80 percent of first-time mothers undergo episiotomies.

For the study, Hartmann and colleagues scoured the medical literature for all studies on the subject between 1950 and 2004, finding 986. The researchers then identified 45 studies that provided the best data, including 26 that provided the most useful information on benefits and risks, and pooled that information for the new analysis.

Based on that data, the researchers found that women who had not undergone the procedure were no more likely to experience spontaneous tears during childbirth than those who had. In fact, those who underwent the procedure appeared somewhat more prone to tears, the researchers found.

"If you have a piece of fabric, it doesn't tear well until you get it started. The episiotomy can have that effect of actually being the starting place for a tear," Hartmann said.

As a result, women who have had episiotomies tend to need more stitches and experience more pain after childbirth, the researchers found. Women who underwent episiotomies had a 26 percent higher risk of requiring sutures.

Moreover, women who had episiotomies were no less likely to experience urinary or fecal incontinence in the three months to five years after delivery, the study found. Rather, women with episiotomies were twice as likely to suffer fecal incontinence in the first three months.

Those with episiotomies were also 53 percent more likely to suffer pain during intercourse three months after delivery.

"There's a lot of unnecessary suffering occurring to women because of the use of episiotomies," said Carol Sakala of the Maternity Center Association, a private, nonprofit group based in New York. "It's really tragic."

Sakala noted that the rate of Caesarean section deliveries has been increasing in the United States, in part because of women's fears of complications from vaginal deliveries. Unnecessary episiotomies may be a key contributing factor to those complications, she said.

"We need to send a very clear message to women and their providers," Sakala said. "The evidence clearly says that performing routine episiotomies offers none of the benefits that have been presumed in the past and in many cases offer severe harm."

(AKA proof that we are dorks).

What do you call a cross between a Dachshund and a Terrier?
A Toxin.

What do you call a cross between a Terrier and a Poodle?
A Toodle.
OR
A Perrier.

And right after I posted this, someone emailed me the following:

New Dog Breeds

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + sh*tzu
Oh, never mind

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


As Lily raced around post bath in a towel hooked over her head like a cape, I crouched down on the bridge and tried to get a shot of her in all her fabulousness. The camera, an older, bulky digital was not behaving and kept acting like a wanker, pausing after I pressed the button and making me loose the shot. “I hate this thing!” I swore at the accursed beast.

Mark burst.

A couple of days ago he let it slip that he got me something for our upcoming anniversary. We don’t usually do gifts, but he said with Mother’s Day the day after and the new baby on the way, he had an overwhelming urge to buy.

So, off he runs, into the main house and comes skipping back with this in hand:


tiny new camera!
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.



It’s tiny, fast, beautiful and KICKS ASS. It even takes videos. How cool is that? Now I just have to hope it takes good photos.

Oh, and here is the man. Bow down and worship the god-like brilliance that is my husband.


My beautiful husband
Originally uploaded by gingerlane.


I’ve updated my Haloscan comments to include the following image:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

In case you were wondering who this pair is, the orange kitty is Millie and the big yellow dog is Maya. They are our silly pets and we love them. Say “woof.”

Monday, May 02, 2005


I first met Allyn when I was about 19. She was introduced to me by a boyfriend who had had a crush on her for years and was still totally into her. That’s how that boyfriend was, he never let ANYTHING go. Not at all surprisingly, she intimidated the hell out of me when I met her. She was the object of my boyfriends affection (through no fault of her own… trust me, she did not encourage it), was beautiful, smart, full of ambition, was a domestic goddess (and still is), could stop a clock with her fashion sense and could apply make-up without weeping. She had a way of pulling you into conversation and making you confide. I so wanted to hate her and yet, fell totally in love with this gem and couldn’t help but be her friend.

She moved to Santa Cruz to go to school and while we were in no way religious about keeping in contact, we had a couple of nice visits and one kinda weird one (thanks to the boyfriend). I dumped the boyfriend, but Allyn? Allyn I kept. We ended up in over seas programs at the same time; my courage to leave home largely motivated by her and the new boyfriend (who would one day become my husband). We traveled all over the UK together, hopping trains and finger painting in hostiles. We had a blast and unlike many friendships, felt no strain at all that time together.

It was while feverish and half drunk in her dorm in England that I got to see the spark of her relationship with Erich ignite. We had gone to a party and Erich had escorted us back to her room. I fell into bed exhausted and lay there listening to the two talk and talk and talk. At one point I heard the words, “Well, what should we do now?” and I blurted from the bed, “You could SMOOCH!” Smart kids, they listened to the wise Ginger and did as was suggested.

Yesterday they married each other in an absolutely beautiful ceremony here in town.

You have to understand who Allyn is in order to understand why this is part of this blog. The week before I gave birth to Lily, Allyn flew out here from Chicago and stayed put for a month. She held my leg at Lily’s birth and kept me centered; she cooked and cleaned while we adjusted to life with baby; she infected my daughter with her girly-girlness. She is Lily’s Auntie, confident and Fairy Godmother. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. She can listen to my rantings and find the thread of the thing that is actually bothering me and then gently pull until I let loose and let it go. No matter how much time we spend apart, we fall right back into our friendship where we left off. No questions asked. She is one of my dearest friends and I cannot imagine life without her.

So, raise a glass, toast the bride and groom: here’s to the most amazing friend I will ever hope to have, to the man who loves her and to a lifetime of mischief together. Aho!

Sunday, May 01, 2005


The children have been placed with family, although not yet back with their parents. They have dropped all the AP issues and are now just focusing on the fractured rib. The mother writes:

“there is coughing , he is walking and falls all the time...he is skinny with a very heavy head which makes him pretty top heavy. Biggest possibility is he has a big sister who is 41/2 who loves him a little too much and is a little jealous of sharing. The other chance although i feel pretty good about my nutrition is that we are vegan(one thing that they don't like either) but there is the chance of vit. D deficiency...causing rickets which can appear to look like a healing rib fracture on an x ray.”

They are trying to show her as a dysfunctional mother but everything is looking really good for getting their children back. Keep them in your thoughts, prayers, chants, whatever! We’re all pulling to have these children back where they belong as soon as possible.