Screaming ensues

I’ve spent the last couple of days as a full time, stay-at-home, single by default, parent. Mark is away on a gig and (this may not come as a surprise to many of you) I’m not used to spending 24 hours a day in the company of my child. I work outside of the home 40 hours a week and whenever I need to take over care of Lily, it’s always a bit of an adjustment. The good news is that neither Mark nor I am naïve enough to think the others got it easy. We’ve both played both parts and so, we know what the others gripes are.

Needless to say, my daughter has spent a heck of a lot of time naked. Oh, and the tub… she’s had a bath every freaking day and let me tell you, this is NOT a sign of good parenting; just so nobody thinks I’m using this as some perverse bragging rights thing. This is just how things go:

In the most excited, happy voice I can muster: “Lily, time for a diaper change.”
Screaming ensues.
Wrestle baby on the changing table out of her diaper.
Once it’s off the alligator death roll, followed by the violent raise of her butt into the air, slamming it down so just when you think you can get a diaper under there, the access is denied.
Screaming continues.
I let her thrash while I get the wet diaper in the now rather fragrant diaper bag… right, have to wash those things.
Lily is now stripping herself naked and I figure, what the hell.
Abandon the new diaper in favor of utter and complete naked baby.
“Down! DOWN” she demands.
Fine with me, thanks.
Off she goes to pee on something and then into the bathroom to point at the empty tub and scream.
I turn it to hot, which is clearly an invitation to try to scald oneself or break a rib by flinging her body into the tub during the one half second I’m not paying attention to her because I’m cleaning up the new puddle of pee on the floor.
Get the water temperature under control, and stick her in, faucet still running and toys raining down on her from all sides.
Ahhhhh, now I can sit for about a half hour and type, read, whatever while she is the happiest baby in the world.
This was cut short yesterday when she drank too much tub water too fast and started choking so violently she almost barfed. Screaming ensued.

Ah, and today it was cut short because she suddenly and intensely NEEDED to get out of the tub and run around screaming while pulling socks out her drawer. She’s finally settled for trying on her shoes.

It’s not that I don’t think I’m a good parent, it’s just that I have so little patience for things that aren’t logical. And wouldn’t you know it, kids are not logical! How does one improve ones patience when you haven’t the patience to figure it out? And what IS the sound of one hand clapping?