Small, wiggly and oh so right.

There are days where I just love my job and days where I just hate it. I’ll not be too specific as I don’t want to end up Dooced (see Dooce's site for more info), but I have a ticket rep that just needs to go. And yet, I cannot make her go due to a whole series of stupid decisions made in the past, followed by a whole slew of CYA decisions made in the present. Today is one of those days where I want to throw things. I can just imagine my phone flying across the room and smashing into a billion beautiful plastic pieces. Oh, or the multi colored wrath of my desk organizer as it rains highlighters, paperclips, business cards and white out all over the place. My photos of Lily shall not be touched.

In other news, I am amazed at the strength of this baby growing inside me. I swear s/he is trying to get out via my belly button. I watch my belly jump and flex and marvel as the rolls and twists spin inside my womb. If this baby comes out with the cord wrapped up around him/her in a delicate and perfect bow, I will not at all be surprised. At the end of my pregnancy with Lily she would stretch her perfect feet up under my right ribs and I would poke her in the butt to retaliate. After she came topside, I would laugh aloud at her wiggly body, watching her stretch her feet out, arching her back… so familiar and so amazing to finally witness. Will this baby do acrobatics in our bed? Back flips across the floor? Full gainers into the tub? My wild baby.

I feel like I am finally connecting to this bean. The more s/he wiggles and moves inside me the more I feel like I know him/her. Maybe that’s why I am getting so much more movement than I did with Lily. Maybe this baby knows I’m having more trouble with the reality of him/her and so is stepping up the movement in response. They are brilliant, you know. Yesterday I held a two-month-old and was shocked by how light he was… carrying around a toddler makes you forget how little they start out. I looked into his eyes and felt his little mouth bump against me, rooting for some num-nums and something inside me… broke. I felt this amazing release, like pent up energy that finally gets its way. It was so familiar and such a welcome sensation… I know what it is to hold a baby that small. I know how to do this. It’s a nice feeling.