Monday, March 14, 2005


I went and reported the accident to the police today, who let me know that they can’t actually do much. Terry, the officer who took my report, told me that they would contact her and tell her to be responsible, she’d agree who-heartedly and then I’d end up having to take her to small claims to get any money out of her. My insurance agent Kim was a little more confident. She told me she writes one hell of a nasty letter and had some good luck with this. She also told me the lady’s name: Victoria Flowers. What kind of name is Victoria Flowers? An evil hit-and-run COW name, that it is!

Everyone (other than the evil hit-and-run COW lady) has been really great about this. The officers that took my report cracked me up with their dramatic interpretation of the IDES OF MARCH (tomorrow people, beware); insurance Kim who was all ready to kick some ass on my behalf; Jordan the avenger, who made me giggle with her description of the evil hit-and-run COW lady as a blonde bitch on a cell phone… they’ve all been great and I feel like most of the world is decent and agree that the evil hit-and-run COW lady should suffer in some way or another.

I’ll let you all know if I have to haul her ass all the way to small claims… which I will do, ‘cause I don’t wanna give her any idea that she can get away with such irresponsible, disrespectful, COWISH behavior.

On another note, here’s one of my daughters new favorite past times:




She’ll touch all the bottles and jars, talking to them. She’ll eventually select something and we’ll have a snack. Sometimes, she just tastes a little bit of everything. You know what she likes? COD LIVER OIL… in peach flavor. My baby girl is a freak.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, Victoria Flowers is either a porn star or recently underwent a sex change. Or both. Who the HELL names their kid Victoria Flowers? Maybe her mom is a porn star. Or his mom? Whatever.

Guess what, last night I dreamt I adopted Sancho. But in my dream, there was some California law that he had to stay in the state, so we just upped and moved there. I should stop smoking crack before I go to bed, methinks.

Elaine said...

kb -- the pants even have super cute flowers (NOT VICTORIA FLOWERS) embroidered on them at the cuffs. Thank you Grandma and Nordstroms.

coffeegirl -- you keep right on smoking that crack if it'll get you thinking of moving to CA (where all the cool blogging mamas live, btw).

Daph said...

Sounds like someone (VICTORIA FLOWERS) recently discovered that they have a career being the main character in a SMUT novel. Take that, FLOWERS!

I love your fridge, BTW. It looks like it's in a restaurant, or something! It's all big, and organized. And has peach flavored cod liver oil...