She has her own room : (

I found it so hard when she showed signs of wanting to be alone... wanted her with me, even if I found it difficult. But when it was hard for her, when she wasn't sleeping and would sleep great without us, I had to accept that her agenda was different from mine. This child of mine is so fiercely independent, I wish she'd "need" me more. She's only one and won't allow me to hold her hand while she walks or won't let me carry her on my hip in a store. She uses me as a home base, touching in as she plays, asking to nurse often... yet she is so determined to be on her own. Scares me a little, amazes me even more. Does she get this insane confidence from the year we spent sleeping with her tucked in between us? Is it just in her nature? Is this why I am already yearning for another baby?

I have found that having a child has changed me so completely... surprised me in ways I could never have imagined. She has asked so much of me and yet so often asks me to do so little. I am so blessed to have her in my life and even though she now wants to sleep alone, our bed will always be open to her. I hope she finds it a place of warmth, safety, comfort... a place for whispers and secrets and cuddling up to her mama and daddy. I hope that I will always feel good about our choices, even if they scare the heck outta me!

Party on.

We threw one heck of a shin-dig today for Lily's birthday. About 40 people showed up to help us celebrate Lily's first trip around the sun and it was a blast. She very much enjoyed the frosting on the cake Grandma Janis made for her; scooping it up in handfuls and shoving it into her mouth. Poor Boo was very tired by the end of the cake episode and so I gathered her up and put her into one of her favorite places to play: the bathtub. She was very happy there and graciously received guests from her watery throne, waving bye-bye to the departing partiers. Afterwards we opened presents, which she found rather unremarkable. That is, until we opened the Leap Frog Drum... which we couldn't disentangle from the packaging fast enough. She LOVED that thing and it was a huge hit with all the little ones, each banging on it joyfully.

We had a ton of food, have a ton of left overs... so much fun!

Baby bucket!

Happy Birthday!

Lily turned one yesterday! Amazing, wild and oh so frightening. Where has the time gone? I feel like I missed it completely.

Anyway, we are celebrating with a big party here at the house on Saturday. Even Uncle Steve will be here for that one. Didn't do much to mark the day yesterday other than give her lots of love and hugs and talked to her about her birth. She'll get cake, lovingly made by Grandma Jan, lots of well wishers and party party on Saturday. We're looking forward to it.

Today we're checking out a preschool... scary thought, that.

Ah well... my baby is growing up!

Lily moon face!

sleep

We moved Lily into her new, very purple room this week. We've been sleeping in the same room with her still as she gets used to the new space but tonight we're going to try sleeping in our bedroom. Don't want to jinx it by making any predictions on the outcome... let's just say that we will hope for the best and keep our hearts open. I'll keep you all posted.

On a positive sleep note: Lil feel asleep in my arms the other night as we cuddled in bed. The back of her head rested against my cheek and her body lay as close as possible to me, the warmth of her sweet little body against my neck and chest. Her little hands rested out in front of her, one whole hand curled around my thumb. The scent of her head, slightly damp from sweat, it's just something that you can't describe, so perfect and intoxicating. I have never been so in love.

I can't believe she's almost one. It breaks my heart.

obey the stair!

Lily has finally learned to respect stairs. She wants to be able to walk up and down them like we do, but after many bumps and bruises has finally figured out that she would do best to sit and scooch down the steps and crawl up them. We kept trying to rescue her, but finally figured out that she had to take a couple of knocks before she'd get the message. Now we have to work on her leaping off of the couch or bed...

At dinner tonight, we gave Lil a spoon to see if she could actually get any food into her mouth (by way of said spoon). As you can see, she had no trouble figuring out where the spoon should go, but did have some gravity issues. She's also starting to get some signs down and can ask for water or more... it's the same sign, but it seems to make her happy!

ra ra ra!

We took Lil to her first movie today, Shrek 2. She did really well at first, sat in her own chair and ate nacho chips, drank out of her nifty cup. Then when the movie started she nursed some and then settled into my lap to watch, thumb securely tucked into her mouth. About half way through (or so) she needed a diaper change and Mark was awesome enough to take her. When they got back, she started hollering at things. She was in a good mood, just wanted to yell at things. So, I had to take her out for a walk. She had a blast running up and down the hallway and overall, had a great time with her movie. I missed most of it, but that's ok... it was more about her having a positive experience. We know she's too young for movies, but we wanted to go so we were selfish and went!

Anyway, new dipes arrived in the mail today and I am all excited about using them! Cute dipes, cute dipes, ra ra ra!! I'll post some picture of them!

Paisley!

New dipers!

num nums

Lily has learned a new skill. Tonight we had spaghetti for dinner and Mark would hold up a strand, Lily would tilt her head back and squeeze her eyes shut, and then he'd drop one end into her mouth. Now here's the new skill: then she'd suck it into her mouth and grin! Too funny to watch. She really enjoyed spaghetti...

Oh, and today she really understood the word "num nums." She had crawled into my lap and was being a fussy face when I got her attention and said, "Lily, do you want num nums?" Her head popped up and she looked me right in the eyes and started pawing at my shirt. Of all the words to get, no surprise that it's the one we use for her most fabulous, wonderful, comforting, nummy nums nums.

Mmmmm... nums nums.

baboon walking

In a wicked bad mood this eve; restless, annoyed and just ready to bicker. Mark just loves it when I'm this grumpy. Don't ask me why I feel this way, I haven't figured it out yet. But I'm sure it's all someone’s fault ;).

Lil's two latest teeth are giving her a run for her money. She's been chewing on her fingers, mostly on the left side, and drooling like a mad woman. She's actually in a great mood most of the time. She's so thrilled with herself and her new found ability to walk that sometimes she walks with her hands way up in the air, just to prove she doesn't need them. She'll often complete the ensemble with an enthusiastic raspberry. Kinda reminds me of a baboon... betcha I'll pay for that comment later.

To be fair, she makes a really adorable baboon.