More than just me

I had forgotten how once you are carrying a new baby, your life ceases to be your own. Suddenly, every single decision you make about your body profoundly impacts another being... a child you can't wait to hold in your arms. Shall I have a Chai Tea Latte? Well, seeing how caffeine restricts blood flow to a developing fetus, I'm going to have to say no. Sure, it probably wouldn't hurt to have one every once in a while, but do I really want to test the theory? I'm still occasionally agonizing over the fact that I had a couple of drinks before I knew I was pregnant. I am more afraid of having a car accident... one worse than the simple fender bender I was in when pregnant with Lily. I think about the night we had to spend in the ER for what was a minor thing, but had me panicked because I was carrying this little stranger I was already totally in love with. I think about the fact that I am working full time now and don't have the luxury of a nap when I want it or sleeping in every day. Even without the job, I'd have to care for Lily if I was home. I simply cannot be as selfish as I could with Lily.

And yet, I must take care of myself. I must nap when I can and eat good food and dream about the beautiful child I have yet to meet. I want nothing more than to hold the perfect child I dream of. It's so much to take in sometimes. So much to try to get your brain around. Ah well, it's what we do.