ac·ci·dent

I had a margarita with dinner and since I so rarely drink it made my cheeks flush red and my whole body hot. I felt a little silly as we approached the car and when I fell off the curb, it was pretty clear I needed to not drive. Mark took the keys and we headed for home. Traffic slowed down approaching our exit and we started talking about what would have traffic in such a snit at 8pm at night.
Mark: Maybe there’s an accident?
Me: Could be.
Lily: Accidents are funny!
Me: No, accidents are BAD.
Lily: Bad?
Me: Yep!
Lily: What you say, Mommy?
Me: An accident is where two cars… or more. Wait, there could be only one car. Does there have to be a car? I mean, if a plane crashes, they call that an accident. Ummm…
Mark: Having a little trouble there, hon?
Me: [giggling] Hey, I can do this!
Lily: Huh?
Me: Think damage and injury! YEAH! That’s an accident!

Lily: Mommy funny, Daddy.
Mark: Yeah. She’s a scream.

Domesticity report

Housekeeping: While the house isn’t a mess of peanut butter and feathers, it’s not what this panel would describe as “neat” or “tidy.” It is, indeed, average with piles of papers scattered about, kids toys on somewhat hazardous locations, and one rather scary clatter of dishes in the sink. C

Cooking: Out of a total of 21 possible meals a week, Elaine has cooked about seven of them. Points for creativity are awarded though for mircowaving a cake. Turns out that 10 minutes in a microwave safe bowl will produce a beautiful, evenly cooked, delightfully textured cake. The jury is still out on the question if it’s a good idea to have any cake available in this house. B-

Laundry: While the panel would be hesitant to claim Elaine could excel at any domestic task, she does seem to have a handle in this department. Five loads of clothing, sheets, towels and the like have been processed this week as well as the required diaper laundry (two loads). It should be noted, however, that Elaine will not iron a single thing and refuses to even purchase anything that claims to be “dry clean only.” A-

Child care: The baby has been screaming a great deal and the toddler is on a manipulative tear. It is hard to guess who can be blamed for such behavior as the panel acknowledges that children are crazy. Both girls have had one bath this week, are well fed (even if it’s mostly in restaurants) and show no signs of obvious injury or extreme illness (both children do have runny noses). While they are clearly not in any danger in the care of Elaine, the panel would be remiss in their duties if they gave an exceptional grade. B

Spousal care: Fortunately, the spouse in question is largely self sufficient. Elaine must be doing something right if she did, as she claims, receive a spontaneous text message reading, “I love you” today while at the park with the kids. The panel will point out that Elaine’s immediate reaction was to wonder what was broken or wanted. B+

Knitting: the panel is very proud of Elaine as this is a new area of study in which she seems to be excelling. This week showed the start and finish of her first hat, teaching her how to work with both circular and double pointed needles. The hat, made for the younger child, is cute and has surprisingly few mistakes in it. Samples of this work can be viewed here and here. For effort and willingness to learn a new skill, the panel is happy to award an A.

Disposition: This has clearly been a challenging week for Elaine as she has received very few sleep hours. The panel knows better and will, without picking apart the last weeks behavior, simply award an A and avoid the potential bodily harm a lesser grade might invoke. A

Ten-Months-Old

Dear Anya,
I’m having a little trouble with this whole double digit thing. How can you already be ten-months-old? As your first birthday rapidly approaches, I find myself slightly shell shocked, sitting with you asleep in my arms and trying desperately to figure out how you got so big. Already your body drapes across my lap when nursing, no longer the delicate little curl I one gathered into my arms; already you are taking bold chances towards walking and delighting yourself and you sister as you learn how to play. Last night I heard Lily ask your Dad, “What’s Anya doing, Dad?” and we both turned around to find you stuck in the middle of a step stool, belly draped across the step and head hanging down in the arch, reaching for a toy, determined to get it even if it meant landing on your noggin. You simply won’t slow down.



I’ve really been enjoying watching your discovery of the world and the way it moves around you. I can’t seem to tear my eyes from your face as you take in the frenetic movements of the ducks or the rush of the river or the bustle of the restaurant as it moves around you. You sink into the swirl of activity and analyze every bit of it and then turn to see what I think, asking your silent questions and smiling at my encouraging nods. Yes, it’s big and busy and noisy and silly and beautiful and stupid and strange and so many words you will learn as you grow. Some of it will forever be indescribable like the way your sister’s face can shift in such a subtle way that you shouldn’t know she’s thinking of something that scares her, even though you do. That gentle communication between sisters is building more and more every day and I feel so lucky and so jealous; conflicting emotions have just become the norm for me.




On Monday we went to the park and I didn’t want to put you down for fear you’d shovel sand into your mouth at breakneck speed. I finally gave up and set you with the other kids, giving you the opportunity to explore. You didn’t try to eat the sand once and that? That actually made me proud. You crawled around with a shovel in each hand, laughing and shrieking and waving your arms around with such joy, you made me laugh too. I love that you are so comfortable in your own skin and have the freedom to feel each emotion as it occurs. I don’t know when we learn to suppress or delay emotion but I sometimes wish I could just let it happen the way you and Lily do. It would be a mess, sure, but it would be honest. Sometimes I feel like the bit of honesty you and Lily offer throughout the day is the gift that keeps me sane when the news screams of all the crazy shit that won’t stop happening. I’m afraid that without you girls, I could get very jaded, very fast.



But there you sit, on the verge of finding your feet and taking exploration to a whole new level. By this time next month, I’ll likely be tearing my hair out at the park, chasing you and your sister in opposite directions. You follow her around as much as possible now, but I think you’re going to be running off after your own rainbows before I can say, “whoa there”. And that’s OK, kid. Do your own thing, even if it makes me a little crazy. After all, it’s not really about me (despite what I may lead you to believe).

And hey, if you want to eat the sand, just do it while Daddy’s watching you, OK? He’s much less excitable.

Kisses,
Mama

HIKE!

Before Mark and I had these silly urchins in our lives, we managed a small, informal hiking club. We'd get together once a week to hike a local park with friends from our theatre lives which gave us an excuse to have really cool hiking books from REI. We’ve gotten back to the trails sporadically, but not nearly as often as any of us would like. And with this extra baby weight just hanging around... well, it’s not going to loose itself, you know what I’m saying?

So I finally made the realization that if someone was expecting me to be there, I’d actually show up and emailed our playgroup friends. This is where we’ll be and this is when. Show up if you’d like, don’t if you can’t: but we’ll be there!

Today was our first hike and only one other family was able to make it on such short notice. Lily was the trail master and lead us all over the place, ending up at the dam where Van kicked his shoes into the rush of water; only one was able to be saved. Hey, his mom did say that after they left the park they were going to get him new shoes... I guess he wanted to make sure. And wouldn’t you know it, but naptime goes so much easier when the kid is worn out. BONUS!

Anyway, the weather is turning nice. Call some friends and get your ass out there. It’s totally worth it!

As always, you can find a few more photos over at Flickr.

You should see me when I need to pee

This morning I got up and made myself some breakfast and then scooted my booty out the door with Anya to attend a Pampered Chef Party (drastically different from a Pampered Chief party, lemme tell ya). While there I was appropriately dazzled by the fancy, yet functional cookware and even agreed to host a party of my very own. Seriously, I wanted to buy everything. I limited myself to $20, promising myself that when I threw a party I’d get to buy things at discount, therefore appeasing the prone-to-tantrums inner chief chef (or is that chef chief?).

The only thing I ate while there was a bit of fruit pizza and a couple of crackers smeared with hummus. While it was good, it wasn’t lunch and when I got home from my little event just after 2pm I was starving. Mark had attempted to get Lily to take a nap on the living room couch with him, but when I started rummaging around in the kitchen for sustenance, she decided she needed me. Desperately.

I took her off to her room and plopped her in bed, explained that I needed to go get something to eat and left her there to nap. She was not pleased with this plan. I had just managed to get some leftovers out of the fridge when she started wailing and it was at this moment that Mark handed me the baby and informed me he was going to go take a nap*.

Let’s recap:
Lily screaming in her room.
Anya squirming and demanding full attention.
Elaine so hungry she’s ready to do something evil.
Mark’s gonna take a nap.

It was at this point I thought he just might loose a testicle. The right one. NO! The left! He saw that his future wasn’t looking so bright and tried to take the baby back from me, while Lily continued to scream for him in her room. I actually body blocked him, told him to get out of my face before I did cause him to loose something precious and then… I’m pretty sure my head spun around on my neck, I spewed something icky and I started speaking in tongues.

THIS, dear Internet, is what happens if you mess with me while I’m trying to eat. So hand me the pasta, save the children and walk away, pretty boy; it’s in your own best interest.



*To be fair, the nap would have been with Lily, which would have kept her out of the way while I fed. I was more pissed off because that meant he wouldn’t take Anya with him and I needed just a few moments of peace to get some food in me. He’s not all bad, just tinged around the edges like bread left out too long: fuzzy, not nasty through-and-through.

I’m starting to think she’s a little odd

To be honest, I already thought she was a little odd. It’s just kinda fun to collect photographic proof of her oddness. I love her quirkiness, though. To me, it’s a sign that she is self confident and responsive to the inner creative voice that, while it may be talking smack, pushes her to think of the world as a canvas. Dressing herself is creative expression. Stacking coins is site specific art. Coming from an artistic background, I only see this “craziness” as proof that this child of mine has a strong inner voice.

Lake

We took a trip to the lake today so I could be less of a sloth and the kids could feed the ducks. My camera crapped out after a very short time, but I did catch the following fun shots:

do a favor

Mark taught Lily about favors.
“Lil, will you do me a favor?”
“Sure, Daddy!”
“Would you help me pick up the blocks before bedtime?”
“Yes!”

The other night I was getting Lily ready for bed and after I had read her a book (Go, Dog. Go!) and given kisses, I booked it out of there to get Anya to bed. Mark was on a gig, so I was single parenting bedtime. Just as I was getting Anya down I heard, “Mommy! Mommy!”
“What is it, Lil?”
“ummm…”
“Yes?”
“Do a favor?”
“What do you need, Love?”
Softly and with a tiny giggle, “Wiggle your toes.”

Tonight she asked Mark to flap his arms.

Hey, at least her stall tactics are amusing!

Laughing my ass off

blah blah blah

Driving to knitting last night, I got to thinking about some random thing and suddenly found myself on a whole ‘nother freeway. I was going to take the proper exit but it appears I am unable to use my brain properly since I had kids. But hey! I can knit! I finished project number two in record time and put it into the mail for Krystyn before I bothered to take photos (see? Not thinking!). I’m on my third project now, a silly scarf and hat combo for Lily in a funky pink/red/purple variegated eyelash yarn. I’ve redeemed myself and my love for scarves when my husband pointed out something the locals call June Gloom. Now it’s ok for me to make warm stuff, ‘cause it’ll be randomly cold in the middle of the year! Never been so happy about something with the word “gloom” in it before.

Moving on!

I got to see a fresh baby at knitting though as one of my favorite play group mama’s had her second child, a perfect little girl, just one week before. Mom looked AMAZING and happy and baby made my ovaries hurt, she’s so cute. We chatted and knitted and drank frothy coffee-like drinks and then I got to talk theatre with the café owner, as we had just seen the same play.

See why I haven’t written much lately? Nothing to say. I did get tagged by Sarah for a three’s meme, the little punk. Maybe I’ll do it, maybe I won’t. I’m not committing. Besides, what’s the likelihood that I could make my brain wrap around three of anything? I’m just thankful that Lily is taking a nap.

Giraffe crossing

Yesterday we checked out the Build A Bear Workshop at the mall. On a Saturday. In the Mall. Nothing like standing in a long line in order to spend too much money on a bunch of fluff. And my girl? Yeah, she can pick out the most expensive animal offered, without even being able to understand the concept of money. It’s a special talent many claim is inherent in the X chromosome. In fact, later in the trip my husband had a moment of clarity regarding his life with girls when both Lily and I, at the exact same moment, handed him a bag and said, “Hold this.” He stopped stalk still and whispered, “Is this going to be my life?” Yes my dear, yes it is.

It’s always hard to tell if Lily is enjoying a new experience; she’s painfully shy. An unfamiliar person asks her a question and she bursts into tears while flinging herself into her father’s arms. I seriously worry what will happen if she ever gets separated from one of us accidentally. We’re trying to teach her our full names and address and that kind of thing, but even if she gets it down pat, I doubt she’d be able to tell a stranger. I suppose we could always follow the sounds of wailing to get back to her. Mark says we should just get her tattooed.

But she did seem to dig the whole experience, despite crying at the woman who inserted the fluff, crying when directed to pick out a heart, crying when asked the name of her giraffe, crying when shown how to "pamper" the thing, crying when asked if she had fun… sigh. Anya even cried a little, just so Lily wouldn’t feel alone. She hasn't allowed her new friend out of her sight since she first laid eyes on him in the store though, so I suspect it was a hit. His name is Stilts. I suggested Sahara, because I’m a silly girl, but once Mark mentioned the name Stilts she was done talking about the subject, cutting off my next suggestion with, “his name is Stilts, Mommy.” And then she rolled her eyes at me and asked me for the car keys, since you know, she’s 16 and wants to drive. Such a shock to the poor dear when I insisted she wasn’t yet three-years-old.

I think we'll give this whole thing another go in a year or two, when she can actually participate in the experience, rather than cry and cling. Ah well, good times!

I can Knit!

I submit for your approval my very first knitting project: an eight foot long scarf*

I’m already half finished with project number two, which I can’t show you because it’s a gift for someone who reads me. She’s just gonna have to wait, yo.

All I can say is that I may just finally loose my domestic drop-out card! Weeeeeee!

* Can anyone enlighten me as to why a Southern California girl would knit a scarf just before summer? Seriously, I must be daft.

treat

Yesterday I went to Whole Foods (called by many “Whole Paycheck”) and had a little shopping spree. That place has everything and a large percentage of it was Organic. THRILLING, I tell you. I spent a bit too much money, but I was overcome by all the fabulous things housed in that marvelous store. My biggest score, at only $1.99, was Lily’s first coconut. This morning I hacked at it with three different knives and then stuck a straw in the little hole I created in the top. Lily tasted it tentatively at first, but once she figured out that the stuff in there was tasty, I couldn’t get her to let go. After that I went back to the knives and hacked off enough to get the soft flesh out. Lily was less thrilled with that, but tasted some anyway. Totally fabulous treat!

more photos on flickr

My little lunatic

Sorry to leave a depressing note and then go la la la-ing off into the night for a few days. I was determined not to write another annoying/bad/frustrating thing and so had NOTHING to say for days. But last night, Lily gave me something worth blogging, so I am at the computer this fine morning to share it all with you.

I’m assuming you have all noticed the gorgeous full moon the night sky’s been sporting as of late. Here it has cut through the chill and shone so brightly that the sky looked blue when I went to bed at 10pm last night. It’s so beautiful it turned my toddler into a certifiable lunatic. The poor child had an excess of energy pre-bedtime and we didn’t have the heart to cart her off to bed with all that crazy running through her veins; especially since she has picked up the lovely habit of throwing tantrums anytime you suggest she might need a nap or that bedtime is imminent.

But she was tired. How does an (almost) three year old cope with the dangerous mix of pent up energy and fatigue? She ran to the French doors in the dining room, gazed up at the full moon and shrieked, hands up around her head and a little hop thrown in for effect. Then she turned tail and ran across the living room to Mark, throwing herself into his arms for a snuggly hug. Back to the window to shriek and over to Dad for a hug. Shriek. Hug. Shriek. Hug. Shriek. Hug. Et cetera, et cetera. We couldn’t stop laughing, which only fueled her crazy fire. Really an excellent way to settle in for the night; try it, you’ll see.

In other news, I am this close to finishing my first knitting project and I’m already chomping at the bit to start the second. I’ll have pictures when it’s done… I’m afraid I’ll somehow curse it if I show it to you now. In fact, I may have already said too much. Hey, you can’t be too careful when you’re a chronic domestic drop out.

claustrophobic

Am hanging out in a funk lately, overwhelmed by all that is happening with growth and curiosity, dragged down by this cold that will not end. I slept for several hours today in the middle of the day, groggily accepting Anya when she needed to nurse, tucking her into the crook of my arm and sleeping with her nestled in, mouth working at milky dreams and hands stroking my bare skin in an almost motherly way. I feel weighed down and restless; trapped after weeks without any solitary moments. Anya senses my mood and clings to me, afraid I’ll take flight and disappear, making me feel even more desperately needed and claustrophobic. I don’t want to need time away to be healthy. I don’t want to be that mother. I’m suffocating under “should’s” and the intangible dream of what a good mother is and does. I just need some time alone or with some like minded girlfriends.

Thank goodness that tomorrow night is my stitch and bitch where kids nor husbands are allowed.

How do you get your time alone? How do you feel like yourself when caring for everyone else?

Rain day

Thunder rolled in last night accompanied by a health dose of fat raindrops alternating with tiny pebbles of hail. It looks like it’ll be following that pattern throughout the day, although the thunder has moved through the valley and found other people to rumble. My girls are still in their jammies, despite the fact that it’s almost noon. The girls stand at the door, watching through the glass as the hail bounces around on the deck. Lily runs out after each hail installment, plucking up the little gems and rolling them around in her fingers until they dissolve under the heat of her touch. Anya is cranky and finally fell asleep clutching a monster, little grumbles escaping her lips and complaining through her sleep. So far we’ve eaten pancakes, played with Lily’s stickers, put together the US puzzle, water painted, made snacks, mixed beans and chased the dog around and around in circles. Now we’re watching cooking shows and talking about food while Lily runs to her mini kitchen to copy what their doing, “Put dis in the oven, ummm it’s sooo good!” Mark is off helping family with some molding for a newly installed kitchen so I’m on my own today, watching the rain and cuddling with my crazy babies. Even with the wind beating the window panes and the hail making music all around us, it’s a welcome calm after the crazy week.

Ah, a crack of thunder. I guess there's still some rumbles for us.

What, are you kidding me?

This child is going to be wild good fun when she’s two. I just got off the phone with poison control; and then my midwife, because I call her for EVERYTHING these days.

Let me start from the beginning: earlier today I found a daffodil volunteer in my yard, pulled up a couple of flowers and stuck ‘em in a vase. Pretty! Lily thought so too and so pulled one of the heads off and played for a bit before she let it drop on the floor and went about her business. This was hours ago. It’s getting close to bedtime for Anya so I sit down in a chair to nurse her. She falls asleep and about five minutes later starts throwing up. And throwing up. And hey, look at that, some more vomit! That’s when I notice the daffodil head smeared down the front of her vomit soaked jammies. Luckily, she’s still mostly breastfed, so it was pretty easy to spot the solid in the milky vomit. She’s still vomiting while I’m online, looking up daffodils to see if they’re poisonous and gee, they’re at the top of the freaking list! The bulb is deadly! Weeeee!

Luckily, the bulb is still out there in my yard so she didn’t eat that part, just the flower, but I called poison control anyway. It’s been that kind of week. The guy there was cool and said that it looked like I might expect some more vomit, but that’s the end of the line for reactions on something like this. He told me to wait awhile before I give her anything to eat or drink to let her stomach settle and is calling me back in an hour to check on her. If she was formula fed there would be some concern about dehydration, but once her tummy settles, breastmilk should do perfectly and should stay down.

Lily was the kind of kid who didn’t like mess, never put anything in her mouth, was super cautious. Anya, though; Anya really is going to give me a run for my money, isn’t she? Spirits protect us when she starts walking.

Seriously, you're asking?

Me: Hey, I don’t want the baby playing with that.
Him: What, the ax?

Where I babble randomly

I just fed Anya a pancake for the first time (made from scratch and without any butter or syrup on top, of course). She took one bite and grinned wildly, giggling and stuffing the treat into her mouth. I guess the girl likes her some pancakes. Since those top two teeth finally cut and she can now rip at things, I’m being a bit more adventurous with what I offer her. The kid really is crazy for solids.

She’s also started playing peak-a-boo with us recently. She’ll drag a playsilk or napkin or placemat… really anything she can grab hold of, and pull it up to cover her face. Then she whips it down quickly and dramatically, showing us the biggest grin she can gather. The girls are really starting to play together now and that just makes me crazy happy to watch. Lily isn’t always so gentle, but at least she seems to be interested in playing; the hurting is just a side bonus.

We may be moving towards night weaning. Last night Anya only asked to nurse twice and one of those times she was just as happy with the pacifier. Does this mean sleep is in my future? Please, let it not just be a fluke.

We’re hanging out at home again today due to the illness that refuses to leave my family. Anya is rapidly improving since the teeth came in, Lily is getting better as well and Mark seems to be seeing the other side. I however want nothing more than a nap. Will I be getting one? Not likely. I do, however, think I’ll lobby for a shower. It’s only been three days. Crap, I think it’s been at least that long for the girls. Looks like it might be a group shower then. Always fun and entertaining!

Off to wake the husband (he worked crazy hours last night) and see if I can’t get this party started.

OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND

Guess what’s happening, dear Internet.
Come on, guess!
Think, Elaine’s worst nightmare.

THAT’S RIGHT!

Another freaking hive of bees is trying to move into my house! This would be the FOURTH hive in two years. FOUR! HIVES! In TWO years! GAH!

Seriously, what lesson am I supposed to be learning here? What the hell is going on that bees love me and my family so much? If I wasn’t afraid of them, they’d totally be hanging out somewhere else, I just KNOW it.

At least this time, they aren’t between me and one of my children.

Running off to whimper in a corner while I wait for someone from the bee removal company to show up and make my nightmare cease.

EDITED TO ADD:

I’m thinking that maybe if I set up some bee boxes in the canyon, maybe the bees will just go there next time. Is that an insane thought? Anyone know a bee person to whom I can speak?

Maybe it would be helpful if a certain husband of mine closed up the HOLES in the wall as well, but that’s probably just crazy talk.

If that wasn't enough...

So I'm walking back from the kitchen with two big glasses of water for my sick family (all of us are going down now with me working on a sore throat, Lily with 103 temp, Anya in teething hell and Mark coughing up a lung) when I notice Anya holding something in her hand. It looked just out of place enough and small enough that I got down next to her to look, right about the time she started screaming. She was holding a bee. I got her to drop it by shaking her hand while saying, "OH GOD, LET IT GO, WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY, NO NO!!..." etc. You see, I'm allergic to bees. Not the failure-to-be-able-to-breathe kinda allergic, just the wow-who-knew-a-hand-could-swell-so-big kinda allergic, so I kinda panicked. I finally found the stinger in the other hand, which implies my little girl got stung and then reached over and tore the bee off her finger and was in the process of teaching him a thing or two when I found her. You go, girl. Mark yanked out the stinger and we got some ice on her hand pronto. Then I panicked some more and called the doctor and my midwife (who is a holistic heath goddess). Everyone agreed the ice was good and gave me the signs to look for a severe reaction. There's always the worry that when one parent has an atypical reaction to a bee sting that the kid will too. So far no trouble breathing and now she's sleeping peacefully with me checking on her breathing every, oh... two seconds. Mark ran to the store and got the topical Benadryl the doctor suggested so hopefully her finger will look less like a sausage soon. I am calming down (kinda) and hoping that nothing else shows up to mess with my family's health.

Holding a bee... seriously, WHO DOES THAT? Geez. Crazy baby.

Our trip in photos

Click the photo to jump over to the full photo set over on Flickr.

sick baby

I apologize for not giving a post trip wrap up and pictures loaded to Flickr but I’ve been trapped on the couch most of the day by a very sick little girl. If Anya isn’t sleeping fitfully, she’s screaming. Seriously unhappy and unwell. And I just found something very disturbing in her diaper, of which I will spare you the details. Her cough is awful. I’m worried, but not enough to rush her off to a doctor. Those stupid teeth are finally cutting and I suspect that this is all related, but you know how us moms are… we scare easily when our babies are sick. I am secretly paranoid that the Motrin or nose drops I gave her are causing the scary diaper and I’ve damaged her.

Lily is running a fever and coughing as well, but at least she isn’t displaying signs of never ending pain. She and Mark are sleeping in her room right now while I hold Anya and think about the dinner I’m not making. I’m just hoping the grumbles coming from my midsection don’t wake the baby.

Check out Krystyn’s post and pictures. She has outdone herself in poetic expression of our moments in time together. I seriously adore her.

Off to cuddle the baby some more and watch too much TV.